‘Christmas All Over The Earth’


Ah! A piano?! Thanks, Mum! It’s yuletide, so gather round
And brighten winter’s old grey face Where magical stories may be found
By a crackling fireplace. For young and old, forget the cold,
Join the warmth and mirth So grab your mates and celebrate,
It’s Christmas all over the earth! Now Christmas here in Blighty
Is British in every way We drink to the Queen three times nightly
And sometimes during the day! With a well-cooked roast we toast our host
And cheer our nations’ worth So grab your mates and celebrate,
It’s Christmas all over the earth! Now in Australia, what to do
When it’s over thirty degrees? Have a festive barbecue
Beneath Eucalyptus trees! Where Santa uses kangaroos
To get from Cairns to Perth Grab your mates and celebrate,
It’s Christmas all over the earth! In Holland St. Nicholas gives a wave
to children both good and profane But Black Pete, his Moorish slave
Might steal them away to Spain. In the clutch of the Dutch they’ll be shut
in a hutch – [attempted justification that doesn’t hold
water] Grab your mates and celebrate!
It’s Christmas all over the earth. In Canada they set fire to pigs
And chase them through the town They hack a virgin into bits
and burn the hotels down They fill the swimming pools up with blood and throw their children in It runs through the streets in the night like a flood, with the drums and the howling wind! They perform this manoeuvre
from Quebec to Vancouver Representing our Saviour’s birth… Grab your mates and celebrate,
It’s Christmas all over the Earth!

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