The Worst Gift on the First Christmas


(upbeat electronic beats) (dramatic orchestral music) – It is he, our savior that was foretold. – We are wise men from lands afar. We followed a bright star
to he birth of our lord. – We come bearing gifts. – Oh, thank you. We’ve been turned away from the inn, and my wife is tired from the journey. – But you are welcome here. – A gift of gold for the child. – Your generosity is astounding. – A gift of frankincense. – We do not deserve such luxury. – And I made a donation in his name to the La Salle County Animal Rescue Fund. – I told you they wouldn’t like it. – It’s an organization that goes around and picks up stray cats
around the neighborhood. It’s a no kill shelter so it’s fine. – Um, so you’re gift was a donation in our name to a hotel for cats. – It was for $40. – Balthazar is a big animal guy. – I knew it was for a kid. Kids love animals. – Oh, well that’s a very nice th– – Joseph. Stop. We’re in a literal barn, you didn’t think that maybe a crib, or, oh, I don’t know, a tent would have been nice? – It just seemed so thoughtless. It’s like I’m your aunt or something. – I love my aunt. She gave us formula. You know, a gift. Not the subtle lecture. – Giving to charity feels great, I gave you the gift of happiness. – For you. You gave the money to the charity, okay? You gave yourself a gift. – But you get to write it off your taxes. I think. – What are you talking about? We get a tax refund every year, idiot. We’re poor. Did ya look around? We’re poor. – I mean, we have some money. – No, my husband doesn’t
make enough money, okay. We’re poor. God, you’re a literal king. You could have given
us anything you wanted. Money, for instance,
would have been great. – Well maybe I just
shouldn’t have given you anything at all. – Yes. No gift at all would
have been better than this. And plus, you don’t even
know what charities we like. I hate cats. They’re, what’s the word? – Shifty. – Yes, they’re shifty. They’re shifty little fucks. I would have preferred it if you had given to a kill shelter. – Oh, that’s harsh. – I gotta say, missy. I did not expect this reaction. (owl hooting) – We have a song. – Great, just what a new mother wants, an acapella group. Tell ’em Joseph. – Yeah, I mean if you’ve
practiced, I’d like– – No. – Can we just sing the song? – Let’s just try it. Let’s try to have a good time. – Like, let’s not make this weird. – Yeah, it’s the holidays. – What? – It will be. (single droning tone) ♫ We three kings of Orient are ♫ Bearing gifts of charitable cause. ♫ I think you’re too materialistic ♫ I’m going to teach you a valuable lesson – Fuck you, man. – Fuck you. – No, fuck off. – Don’t you tell me to fuck off. – Unto you a child is born. – An angel, most high. – His father in heaven
wishes to bestow upon him the greatest gift of all. Whiskey stones. – [Wise Men] Ew. – [Mary And Joseph] Jesus Christ. (gasping) – Oh yes, that is way better than Bryce. – Bryce Christ? (powering down) – Hey, it’s Grant from CollegeHumor. Click here to subscribe to the channel, click here for more fun stuff, and, sorry, guys it feels
like I’m out, am I out? ‘Cause I can like see the
top of the camera, so it’s. Is this better? Alright, it feels worse. Okay, thanks for watching.

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